Sleeping with Friends by Jackie Simmons
You really can’t sleep with your friends. It may seem like a perfectly good idea every once in a while, but think about it. If you sleep with one then, eventually, another one is going to find out about it. Then, you know what’ll happen next. You’ll have to sleep with all of them so that you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings, and who has time for that? Assuming that you are unattached and unemployed, however, and you decide to go ahead and sleep with all of your friends, then you’ll find that you have another problem. Then they’ll be asking you who you thought was the best. Then, in order not to hurt the feelings of the friend that’s asking you, you’ll probably have to sleep with them again just to reassure them. Do you see where this is going? If you sleep with just one of your friends just once, you’ll wind up doing nothing but sleeping with all of your friends all of the time. And that’s really no good, because you have important stuff to do. Life isn’t just about sex and you don’t want to sleep the years away. You need to wake up to the possibilities out there. HEY! Stop inhaling the car exhaust, get out of the back seat, and listen to me! You’ll eventually tire of sleeping with your friends. And, really, if you’re fucking your friends over (and over), what kind of friend does that really make you? Lend your friends your ear, not your rear. Be there for them when they need you, not when you find yourself wanting them. Give of your time to volunteer causes to make the world a better place, like maybe the Special Olympics; don’t have a raucous time having Olympic marathon sex with your friends while you wreck your apartment! Figure out what you can do to in order to give your life meaning, and then really go at it with wild abandon. You’ll find that you won’t have the time or inclination to sleep with your friends anymore, but it will be easier to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and sleep well at night.
But, then again, sleeping with friends IS a lot better than sleeping with the enemy….